Choosing Control
by Heightened-Senses
Summary: "But why would anyone starve themselves? It's incomprehensible..." "It's not about the food, it's about the control." Rin becomes alarmingly obsessed with the world of food- and not in the terms of being what others would know him as-a cook. The world he creates for himself becomes comforting. Does he even want help? Will he let himself be at the hands of an eating disorder?


Hello Fanfiction!  
I've been doing a lot of reading on here, and it has come to my attention that there weren't many eating disorder related stories, and I just wanted to add mine to this site. Yes you have read the above right- this story is regarding EDs and other types of self destructive mechanisms. So I guess one can say this is a trigger warning.  
Also, this is my first fanfic I've posted, and I hope somehow it is relatable to those whom have passed through it and understandable to those whom haven't.  
Thank you!

* * *

Months had passed by since the whole camping trip incident and the after-effects of that night were still lingering to this day. You see, things were still tense between Rin and the others, particularly between him, Bon and Konekomaru.  
Rooster-head still kept his distance, and when that wasn't the case (when they are having their usual fight or argument), he would throw a rather harsh insult here and there. What hurts Rin the most is that he means every word he says- as Bon isn't usually the person who bluffs or sugar coats things.  
As for Konekomaru, he's just plain scared of the teen- even though he tries his best not to show it. He shakes whenever he's around, avoids any eye contact and is the most to avoid any conversation with Rin.  
Due to this, it seems to Rin that he still has no place in the group's now tight knit friendship.  
No matter how much he tries to make amends with them, nothing works.  
He misses the way Shiemi would come up to him every now and then to ask him if he would like to visit her beloved garden. The answer was always yes- the time he spent alone with her made every bad thing go away- just for a little while.

She doesn't ask him any more and it broke him.

Was she scared of being alone with him?  
He frowned as an image of blue flames taking over the well-kept garden took over.

'No wonder.' He thought as he entered the dorm.  
There was his twin, Yukio, always working hard. He sadly smiled as he considered what his younger brother went through- losing their father, knowing about demons at a very young age and always protecting Rin's half demon ass whilst taking up the responsibility of both a teacher and an exorcist.

"Hello nii-san." Yukio greeted as he took notice of Rin standing at the door.  
Rin shook his head, snapping out of the deep thought. "Hey Yukio." He greeted back as he went straight to the closet to get a more nice smelling shirt. He cringed as the aroma of sweat surrounded him as he began to undress. 'Now what to wear...' He thought as he searched through the vast majority of clothes- which he never really wore- maybe once or twice.

He always ended up staying in his uniform anyway.

He then caught sight of a nice blue shirt he hadn't worn in ages. Smiling at the choice, he put it on, only to find something wrong with how it stayed at his upper abdomen. He frowned as he forcefully tried to pull it downwards, but to no avail. It was uncomfortable around his arms too.

"Woah." Yukio heard Rin say as he looked up at his twin.  
"This is a bit too tight.." Yukio sighed as he ignored him and tried to continue focusing on grading papers. Rin, annoyed at the lack of attention, pulled up a chair next to him, invading what his brother calls 'personal space'.

Yukio adjusted his glasses, "Rin, I can't work with you breathing down my neck."  
"Did you, by chance, wash this shirt when I arrived here?" Rin asked, totally ignoring Yukio's complaint.  
"No Rin, I didn't even go through your closet, let alone wash your clothes."  
"Hm, just asking, since you do tend to be a bad housewife." Rin stifled a laugh as his brother frowned.  
"And what's that supposed to mean?"  
"Knowing you, you would have used way too much washing powder, maybe even left the clothes in the drier for too long..." He glanced briefly at his brother, whom was impatiently waiting for him to end the conversation. "What I'm trying to say is that maybe you shrunk my shirt."  
Yukio furrowed his eyebrows. The stress seemed to get to him and Rin didn't really help. "...Or maybe you're just getting _fatter_." Yukio muttered loudly enough for his brother to hear as he continued on with his work.

Rin stayed silent for a moment as he pondered the possibility of that statement. He looked down at his exposed stomach, and saw a _bulge_ of skin hanging out. He frowned in response, had he really gained that much weight?  
He then looked up back at Yukio, who, in turn, glanced at him from the corner of his eye, sensing his brother's unusal silence.  
Rin felt the sudden tension due to his lack of a response. Panicking, he loudly laughed and patted Yukio's back, "Oh, four-eyes, it's okay, big brother forgives you for shrinking his shirt."  
He got out of his seat and out of the door before Yukio even had a chance to respond.

"wha-? I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING." 

Rin proceeded on to the bathroom and stared at his reflection in the mirror. He bit his lip as he gently touched his stomach. He then pinched it and pulled the extra skin outwards. He turned sideways, just to make sure he wasn't seeing things.  
And sure he was.

He took in a deep breath.  
So it was true. He was gaining weight...and a _lot_ of it.  
How could he have not noticed? Sure some of his shirts were becoming a bit tight around his frame, but he didn't imagine being this... _big_.

After struggling to get the shirt off, he took one look at it and immediately threw it away in the nearest bin. He cringed at the thought of wearing it again.

He turned back his focus to his reflection.

His arms were next.  
Then his legs.  
Waist.  
Face.  
Everywhere he touched, all he could feel was _fat_.  
Never ending pieces of meat.

'No, this won't do.' He thought as he glared at his body.

It was enough that he lost control of his flames, lost all his friends, and lost most of his family.  
 **No way** was he about to lose control of his own body.


End file.
